Philippe's Peaceful Ride

          EXT. MID DAY, LAVISH COURTYARD

          GERALDINE leans her portly torso out of the carriage window,
          squinting down her nose to see what the hold-up is.

          PHILLIPE, their peasant driver, is struggling to lift
          ROSEMARY out of her elaborate sitting chair, and place her
          into the carriage.

                              GERALDINE
                    What's the delay? We were meant to
                    leave almost half an hour ago!
                    Would you please hurry, knave?!

                              PHILLIPE
                    Yes, milady, I've almost got her...

          Phillipe fixes his grip and heaves again.

          His face strains, his eyes closed tightly, as he  focuses
          every ounce of strength into lifting this portly woman from
          her chair.

                              ROSEMARY
                    Oh come on, you worm! Put your
                    weight into it!

                              PHILLIPE
                         (muttering)
                    It might be easier if you try that,
                    milady...

                              ROSEMARY
                    What did you say? Lift me, you
                    weaselly brute!

                              PHILLIPE
                         (grunting)
                    Yes, madam!

          Philippe slowly lifts Rosemary out of her chair, like a
          large frilly bag of potatoes.

                              ROSEMARY
                    In the carriage! In the carriage!

          Phillipe obliges,waddling to the carriage under his heavy
          load.

          Rosemary stretches her legs out, her feet waggling as she
          nears the footstep of the carriage.

          When close enough, she daintily disentangles herself from
          Phillipe's shaking arms,  easily enters the carriage, and
          slams the door  quickly shut.

                              ROSEMARY
                    Now, do your job and drive us!

                              PHILLIPE
                         (panting)
                    Yes, miss...

          Phillipe staggers to the front of the carriage, climbing up
          and taking his seat. His two passengers begin chatting
          behind him.

                              GERALDINE
                    Did you hear, Rosemary, the price
                    of silk has risen again! Another
                    pound! It's ludicrous!

                              ROSEMARY
                    Oh I know, Geraldine! Soon they'll
                    be raising the taxes on tea!
                    Goodness knows what we will do,
                    then!

          Phillipe sighs and rolls his eyes, internally cursing his
          employment.

          The horse leading the carriage plods on, nonchalantly,
          despite the flicks of the reigns, from Phillipe.

          Phillipe sighs again and flops back on his seat, resigning
          to the fact that he is in for a rather long, and irritating
          carriage ride.

                              ROSEMARY
                    Oh! Geraldine! Did you hear of Lady
                    Hawthorne? Stopped and taken
                    advantage of by a Highwayman near
                    the old Windmill!

                              GERALDINE
                         (Coyly)
                    I'm sure it was not that difficult
                    for the fellow...

                              ROSEMARY
                    Oh, Geraldine, you minx!

          Both ladies burst into devious giggles as they begin to
          throw grapes into their heavily make-upped mouths, chewing
          wetly and loudly.

                              GERALDINE
                         (Conspiratorially)
                    Perhaps we'll have a chance
                    encounter with a dashing
                    Highwayman...

                              PHILLIPE
                         (muttering)
                    Let's hope not...

                              ROSEMARY
                    Perhaps he'd even want to take
                    certain...liberties with us!

          Both ladies begin to furiously fan themselves with ornate
          oriental paper fans as, underneath their heavily applied
          makeup, they go crimson.

          Phillipe shudders at the thought, rolls his eyes, and sighs.

          He flicks the reigns again, and yet again they have no
          effect on the slowly moving horse.

                                                           CUT TO

          EXT. MID DAY, COUNTRYSIDE

          A sharp, squealing burst of high pitched giggles splits
          through the serene countryside as the carriage rumbles along
          the road.

                              GERALDINE
                    Oh, Rosemary, you are bad!

          Phillipe's eye begins to twitch.

          Rosemary tosses another grape into her mouth, just as the
          carriage slowly trundles around a corner.

          Suddenly the wheel bounces off a large rock, sending the
          carriage jolting back down to the ground sharply.

          Rosemary's face contorts as the grape gets lodged in her
          throat.

          She begins to choke.

          Geraldine continues talking, not noticing her friend.

                              GERALDINE
                    Did you hear about what the King's
                    own scout brought back from the New
                    World? A furred fish! Those
                    Canadian waters must surely be cold
                    to breed such a creature!

                              ROSEMARY
                         (gagging)
                    

                              GERALDINE
                    Oh I agree, it must be quite
                    exciting over there, indeed.
                    Perhaps we shall take a journey
                    over, sometime!

          Rosemary's face goes blue, and then purple as her eyes
          bulge.

                              GERALDINE
                    Did you hear of the newest fad in
                    Belgium? Waffles! If it's anything
                    like their chocolates, we'll have
                    to plan a plundering trip soon,
                    Rosemary!

          Rosemary gives one final gag. Her tongue flops lifelessly
          out of her mouth and her eyes roll back to white as she
          expires with a hollow gasp.

          An ethereal copy of Rosemary leaves her now dead form.

          She examines her hands, astonished that she is able to see
          through them. Rosemary then shoots a vengeful glare at
          Geraldine, who hasn't even noticed that her friend is no
          longer in the land of the living.

          As Geraldine continues babbling on, Rosemary gets an idea.
          Just as Geraldine pops another grape into her mouth,
          Rosemary decides to take action.

                              ROSEMARY
                         (Spooky, ghostly, also meanly)
                    Boo!!

          Geraldine stops speaking and actually looks at Rosemary.

                              GERALDINE
                    Oh deary, me, Rosemary, your
                    complexion looks rather horrible!
                    You're ghastly pale!

          Rosemary raises an eyebrow.

          Geraldine laughs and throws another grape into her mouth.

          The carriage suddenly jolts off of another large rock.

          Geraldine's eyes bulge. Her face begins to turn blue.

                                                           CUT TO

          EXT. MID DAY, COUNTRYSIDE

          Phillipe sighs. Finally, things are silent. He is able to
          actually hear the countryside around him.

          Things are finally peaceful.

          Slowly, Philippe begins to smile as he flicks the reigns,
          and again, they have no effect.

          Philippe looks up to the sun, feeling its warmth on his
          face, he smiles larger.

          Behind him, two ethereal, plump forms rise from the carriage
          and float lazily into the sky.

           Philippe finally has a peaceful carriage ride.

                                                              CUT TO END